Hello
by angietheunicorn
Summary: Lily recieves new that she just Can't believe songfic to hello by evanessence. it help the mood if you listen to that over and over while reading this, but it's not required. please r


Disclaimer

I am not J.K Rowling, nor do I own her books, or the song hello, by evanescence. I don't own Hogwarts; I don't own anything except…well, nothing. So don't sue the pants off of me, please. I don't own anything except the poor idea, even then, I d might have copied it, seeing how I have not read all fan fictions out there. If I have sorry!

Hello

_Playground, school bell rings again_

Lily ran past the playground that was near her house. She was gasping and crying. The clouds threatened to rain on her. She heard distantly that the bells of her old elementary school were chiming, as if to let her know that something was wrong, as if to ring for a death that she had hoped had never touched her house.

He face stung with the cold air, and tears, as well as the sharp drops of rain that the sky had poured onto her, but her feverish green eyes had to see something, the one thing that she wished she would never have to hear.

Shining emerald green bushes had been transformed into dull velvet green blurs. Her scarf was red, like her hair, and she had a charm on it to make it waterproof. It had worn off, so her neck was cold. Everything would be all right if the letter she got was a prank, everything would be fine. She ran, the swings and teeter totter a past forgotten memory. They too, swung solemnly in the rain, like they, too, were mourning for someone.

_Rain clouds come to play again_

Lily felt the first raindrop, and she didn't care. The cold air rushed past her. She ran through the puddles collecting on the sidewalk, feeling it soak through her thin slippers, freezing her feet. They pounded on the ground, aching but still serving her for the reason that she needed them to do this, needed to find this out, and that afterwards, she would be all right.

She ran; feeling the cold bite into her, feeling the cold raindrops wash over her, drop after drop, cutting into her body like huge thin icicles protruding from her cold body. There was no sunlight, as it was almost evening.

She came around the corner, and froze.

There was her house, with the dark mark floating over it. It was soaking wet, mere rubble. The walls were charred, and she barely saw anything that had form. She ran to the rubble, and began searching. She scrambled among the wreckage, trying to find signs of life.

She could hardly see, hardly believe, hardly breathe.

Her hands and feet here soon covered in cuts, bruises, splinters, stinging ash, and long scratches from nails she didn't see or had to pass by.

She came into what was left of her mother's room. The window and the wall that held the window were charred, and the rest of the walls were just a gruesome outline against the light from the dark mark. The chairs had burnt somewhat, and she could see shattered porcelain glowing green in the eerie glow of the dark mark above her. She saw her mother's bed, and she saw parts of her room, which was above her mother. Her bed was on top of her mother's. She looked around, her frantic eyes scanning the rubble.

She saw strands of red hair, just like her own. In an instant, she was by her mother, She sobbed, throwing the rubble off of her. She found her mother, with burn marks on her hands, like she had pushed someone through the fire. She had ash on her face, and her lip had a trail of blood on it, leading from her lip down her chin to her throat the blood was crimson on her white throat. Her lips were tinged blue. She had a number of scratches. Some had trails of blood. Some didn't. She was wearing scorched clothing, and there was a bruise on the right side of her face.

Lily clutched her, her mother, lying there dead. Her mother's limbs were cold and stiff, an example to the rigor mortis that had happened. She couldn't, wouldn't, and would never, ever accept that she was gone. She couldn't be.

She cradled her mother's head, looked into those green eyes, just like her own, staring into hers. They were dull, and unseeing. Lily held her closer. The rain turned both mother and daughter's hair blood red. The cold got even more so, and she didn't feel it.

Lily held her pointer and middle finger against her mother's throat, trying to get a pulse. Nothing. She bent over her, trying to here sound of breath, still nothing. She whipped out her wand, and with tears in her eyes, tried all the healing spells she knew. Nothing worked. She collapsed and sobbed.

"No, no you can't be gone!" no response

"NO, NO NOOO!" she screamed, testing for a pulse as her frail body heaved and as she sobbed into her mothers cold shoulder.

He mother looked on, cloudy eyes seeing nothing of the destroyed wreck of a house she worked so hard to make a home in her lifetime. Those unseeing green eyes did not notice their own kin.

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

Lily sobbed, crying on her mother. Her throat might have been bleeding, she didn't care, didn't feel the pain of her wind-sore throat. It couldn't be happening. Her mom wasn't dead. She sat there, in the rain, freezing, just like her heart had been frozen.

She wasn't dead, she was just, not dead. She heard crying from the other side of the wall, and looked up. Petunia was there, and she was curled into a ball. She sobbed, rocking back and forth. She saw a hole in the rubble, and realized she must have found dad.

Lily, went over to her, and wrapped her arms around her. Her jeans were scorched, and her arms were burnt. She herself was a wreck. Her make up was smeared, her brown hair was mussed and there were ashes all over her. Her skin was cold from the rain.

"Lily, mom-," she said, and Lily burst into tears, nodding, " she- she saved me- she pushed me through the-the f-fire." She stuttered. Lily just nodded; not believing her mother was dead.

They were both cold. They stayed there, for about two hours, but Lily couldn't feel the time change. Time had frozen, like a hummingbird caught in winter, and had died. It was not real, her mom would wake up, and look around, maybe cry a little, but then she would tell her what she would do, or use magic to bring it back to everything it once was.

"LILY, MOM IS DEAD, BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR KIND!! FREAK! Petunia yelled at her, then yelled,

"YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER, YOUR KIND KILLED HER, AND WHERE WERE YOU? AT YOU LITTLE MAGIC KID SCHOOL!" she screamed. Then she ran away in tears, disappearing into the fog. Her footsteps faded into the sound of the rain pounding all around her.

Lily sat there; soaking up everything that had been said. Mom was never coming back, she was the reason why mom and dad were dead, they had been after her, she wasn't good enough, or she would have been here, she failed them, she didn't deserve the comforting that she needed, she was the reason they were dead, she was the reason that they were dead, the death eaters had come for her. If she had been here, mom would be alive, so would dad. There was no comfort for her, no hope. No peace.

She looked up, decided then and there to live in her sins. She would live her life, yes, but she would only half live it. She would never ever be able to enjoy life. She never would. She had been the reason her parents were killed. The death eaters had been after her, and if she had only been there…

She got up, and then walked away slowly numbly, achingly slow, in the rain, not feeling the rain or the pain, pushing both feelings away from her. In denial; Closed off, Changed.

_Hello, I am your mind, giving you someone to talk to_

_Hello_

Her figure slowly disappeared as fog billowed out of the air. Her footsteps and figure faded like a ghost, and even then, she wasn't that far from becoming one.

Three weeks later

_If I smile and don't believe_

Lily smiled at her friend, Alice, but her heart wasn't in it, it was never in it. Never. Flashes of her mother, he sister, the rain, everything continuously flashed through her mind over and over, and she could never truly smile.

She laughed at jokes, but one could see she didn't feel happy. She never swam, or ate chocolate. She hardly ate anything. She never had any fun. She stayed in her room for hours, doing homework or just staring up at the ceiling. Her eyes were usually red from lack of sleep or from the tears that always seemed to be there, waiting behind her dull green eyes, like thick black clouds that you know are storing up thousands of gallons of water, but haven't dropped them yet. Her skin was pale, and she was always cold. Some said that she never got over pneumonia that she got from sitting in the rain. Her friends were concerned but she smiled, and said she was all right. She often welt walking by herself late at night, and she always came in with tears.

When she was eating breakfast, her sleeve slipped up, and everyone saw a red scar on her wrist. When she noticed what they saw, she told them that she had been working with her wand and a severing charms, to cut a piece of clay into shape, but they didn't believe her. They all tried their hardest, but Lily would not change.

James noticed this, and became very worried. He had been keeping an eye on her. it tore him up to see what she was doing to herself. He felt like a ghost had sucked the soul out of her. He had a feeling that dementors had no control over her, since her happiness was non-existent.

But she never told anyone where she went over her summer, and what her parents were like. She never did. She was getting skinnier and skinnier until she was almost nothing.

The days ran into the nights, and her friends said that she cried every night in her sleep. Days, nights, weeks, bells, cold rain, murder, eerie green light, death, emerald green eyes, open but not seeing, pain, anger, depression.

_Soon I know I will wake from this dream_

She never ever laughed, or if she did, it was so unreal. Every happy thing she did was phony. But she never told anyone. She would say that everything is all right, and nothing is wrong. Nothing was all right, and everything was wrong.

_Don't try to fix me I'm not broken._

She never ever was the same. The whole school knew it; the whole school spoke in the quietest of whispers when she passed. Her eyes were cloudy, and she only half lived her life. James and her friends and Remus and the rest of the marauders were extremely worried.

_Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide, don't cry._

Lily went though her day, as usual, never taking interest in anything anymore. She was just like a ghost, doing her head duties and roaming the castle randomly, like a ghost indeed.

Then one night it changed. She was dreaming. She was running through the rain, and she heard school bells. She turned a corner and stopped, seeing her house. She ran to the charred walls; finding her mother among the rubble, with burn marks on her hands. She turned to look at the source of the sob that she didn't cry. There was Petunia. Bells, rain, cold. Smoke, ash, charred wood, plastic, broken, melted glass. Green, dead eyes, cold limbs, swirling and disappearing and meshing and separating and screaming and death.

Flashes and flashes of it swirled around in her head, then she realized she saw sitting up in her bed, remembering what had happened. It was real; she was awake.

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping Hello I'm still here, All that's left of yesterday_

Tears flowed down her face, and the other girls were staring at her. They all called to her when she ran, leaving the room. The chilly air filled her lungs again; reminding her of the night she had found her mom. She sobbed, but nobody heard. She ran through the halls, trying to get away from it, whatever was plaguing her. The cold stonewalls closed around her, and she had to run. She covered her face and cried, not hearing the voices of her worried friends that echoed through the halls. She ran faster, hearing the sound of the midnight bell of a church somewhere far away. She ran, leaving her friends many floors up and searching for her. She passed the Herbology room, the leaves just a green velvet blur that she knew was there, but that she didn't want to see. She didn't notice anything, not where she was going, not where she was, only to run away, to get away. To push the reality farther from her. She heard rain start up outside, covering her hurried footsteps. She plowed through the great hall, out into the dark, rainy night. Her breath swirled around her, like the fog Petunia had run into when she had left. Her hair was wet, and soon, she was so cold again. But she couldn't stop running, she couldn't. She jumped up, and took off again, this time heading into the castle, dripping and making a puddle as her clothing stuck to her skin her breath coming in the barest of fluttering shivers. But she couldn't stop running. Her feet were pounding, and she knew that they wouldn't carry her like they did last time. She could only run a little more, and then she would collapse.

She ploughed right into James, he saw the tears, and held her close to him, despite her being wet, dripping water all over him. She was shivering. He wrapped his arms around her, stroking her unkempt dull red, dripping hair.

At first, she fought to get away, but he had had enough, he held her close, despite the fists, and then she dug her nails into his shoulders and clung to him, sobbing. He felt cold water from her hair and clothing, and only slightly warmer water from her eyes. She screamed and she shouted. She cried so many tears that there was a puddle. The castle was so big, nobody heard her. No one heard her but James.

"They are gone, and it's my fault, my fault they are dead, my mom, blood red hair, dead. Rain, cold. School bells, dead, clouds, fog, and death. Petunia yelling at me, the smell of smoke, the feeling of never being good enough. I wasn't good enough, they died!" she shivered, remembering the cold that she had gotten.

"Lily, you couldn't help your parents, you weren't there, and there is no way you could have fought all those death eaters." He said.

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW, YOU WEREN'T THERE, NO ONE WAS! NO ONE WAS! IT'S MY ENTIRE FAULT! THEY DIED, BECAUSE OF ME, YOU CAN'T SAY WHERE I HAVE BEEN-!" she screamed at him, struggling with him. He held tight. He looked her straight in the eyes, then said with conviction,

"LILY, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR PARENT'S DEATH, YOU ARE HALF LIVING, IS THAT WHAT THEY WOULD WANT YOU TO DO? ARE YOU HONORING THEIR SACRIFICE BY LIVING LIKE YOU ARE?" he exclaimed, shaking her gently to break through the walls of her sorrow. Her sleeve to her robed fell back, and the crimson scar could be seen.

And break through he did. She froze, looking at him, and he let go of her fists. He studied her face, and saw the wall of her self-doubt and punishment shatter like a glass window when a bullet flies through it. She dropped her fists meekly to her sides, her eyes wide and staring at first his face, then his eyes. The only sound was of the rain that flushed through the school grounds, and of the wind that tore gently through the hall, making James shiver. Lily didn't notice, though he saw her become paler. He waited for the inevitable, taking his Jacket off, and placing it on her. She shook her head slowly, then, just like she had realized for herself, she threw herself into his arms. Her cold limbs soon flushed pink. Her face became red, from crying. She became a warm, limp presence in his arms.

After a while, she looked up at him, and the only thing she could get out of her throat was, "James, thank you, thank you so much." She looked at that one mark on her wrist again, and then she cried into his shoulder. For a moment, she saw those hazel eyes, the ones she had spent her whole Hogwarts life hating, the ones who she thought could never be serious, those same eyes that were taking all her pain into themselves, so that she might feel better. Those same eyes that she knew could protect her, always. When she calmed down, he said,

"You're welcome Lily, and now, let's go get some food." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. They walked for a few steps, just savoring each other's company and Lily's renewal to life. They were on the first floor. He had to pick her up and carry her for a while, as she cried into his shoulder again. Her body had become so weak. It was no problem; his arms had carried more to the Quidditch field every time he had called his team together for a Quidditch practice. The bad thing was that she was lighter than the snitch, his broom, two bludgers, two bats, and a quaffle combined with the wood from the chest. They walked past the clear cabinet with the Quidditch awards in it, James's was there, but she didn't look, she just let him half, carry, half lead her to wherever he knew some food was.

They came to a large painting, a picture of a fruit bowl and he reached up and tickled on of the fruits. The picture swung open, and they were greeted by a number of house elves. They all said hello, and then lit up when they saw that Lily had come to eat, as they had been very concerned for her. They had been worried about her. They then turned to him, noticing that she didn't want attention drawn to her. Maybe it was her lingering feeling of selflessness, but she didn't want anyone to have to notice her because she had finally gotten off the wrong road. It was an obstacle she knew she would overcome, but she wasn't ready yet.

He ordered a plate of nice sourdough bread, and some tomato soup for her, and for himself, he asked if he could get some spaghetti O's.

They brought the food then left. They had set up a table that wasn't that far from some emerald green couches that were facing the fire. They took a towel and put it on the floor with the puddle, and then they practically forced her to change into very warm pajamas that they had gotten for her. They were green; green that matched her eyes, which had become greener than they had been. When she came back out, her tiny feet made no sound. She walked quietly over and looked at him. He gave her a smile, and she smiled back, her eyes filled with tears. There was a towel around her head, and she was still wearing his jacket, which he had charmed to repel water.

James, helped her to her seat, and then sat down on his chair. They looked at the food that had been given. The sourdough bread was crisp and fresh, and had a nice crunch to it.

Her soup was good. It was a deep red color, and it reminded her of her mom's hair. She stifled tears, and thought of something else; anything else. She looked up to see hazel eyes, Warm hazel eyes. She pushed her mother's image from her mind. Hers was steaming faintly, and she tasted it. It was wonderful. She dully realized that it seemed to taste better than she remembered. A tear dripped down, and it landed on the white napkin.

He ate his, and she could tell he knew what she was thinking. After a while, he reached and took a hunk of break. He pulled his wand out and toasted it, then took the butter and spread some of it onto the warm bread. She did the same, savoring the feeling of doing magic.

She watched as he grabbed another. He wasn't really paying attention, or maybe he did it for her, but his wand didn't work for about three seconds, then it flared up, frying the piece of toast and he dropped it, then after it cooled, he vanished it.

Lily laughed when it caught fire, then she realized she had laughed. She looked down at her food, her happiness leaving her as she said,

"James, it will take me a while to get better, from this whole thing."

"Yup, and you're not taking one step without me." She smiled, tears on her face again. She smiled, and it was the first true smile she had smiled in a long time. The house elves brought a second bowl, since she hadn't really eaten in a long time. She asked them to bring some milk too, and they did. James asked for some butter beer, and they brought it also. He offered her some, and she took a little glass.

She drank a little of it, and then felt it start to warm her up from the inside. She savored it, thinking of the last time she had been warm. It had been a long time.

He finished his soup and then he saw something stir in the corner. A black dog came over and sat down, intent on the second bowl of spaghetti O's that had been brought for him. He was not that small, in fact, he could run down a human. He looked like a mutt, and James cocked one eyebrow at it. James gave it a questioning look, and it fell over dramatically, then covered it's eyes with one paw, the other stretched out. He then let his tongue flop out. He looked very dead.

Lily laughed again, and James put the bowl down. The dog leapt up, and then devoured it.

Alice wandered in, and she smiled at Lily, seeing new fire in her friend's eyes. " Lily, I am so glad I found you." They hugged, and then Alice looked at the dog. She seemed to know that Lily didn't want the attention, so she turned her attention to the black dog that was licking the bowl.

"Who is this handsome fellow?" she said, patting the dog's head. He straightened up, a ring of spaghetti on the tip of his nose. He grinned, and then went back to eating.

"Umm, his name is…" James tried to think of a name

"How bout pancakes?" Alice asked, petting his head again. He snorted into the bowl.

"How bout we name him piffles?" James asked, watching as the dog glared at him. If looks could kill, James would be very dead.

"You know, James, why don't we name him Padfoot, after Sirius?" Lily asked, her eyes on the dog.

" Err, I'm not sure, I like ummm, snuffles better." He said, he had paled a little, but then decided that she didn't know about the marauder's secret, and even if she did, he didn't really care.

"Ok, I like it too." She said.

They sat there, and after Lily was done, they sat in front of the fire on a comfy couch, Lily leaning on James. They started to talk, but then the conversation died comfortable. They sat there, letting the warmth wash over them all. Lily fell asleep, and for the first time, she smiled in her sleep. James looked at her, how pretty she looked, with her hair alight with the glow of the firelight, even though she hadn't washed it in days; he still thought she was the prettiest woman he had ever seen. The lines of fear and worry faded as she fell asleep. Her lips were clasped in a smile, the first since she had come from her house, a few weeks ago. No nightmare, no fear, just a smile.

Alice looked at her, and then Whispered to James, "Where did the dog go?"

"I dunno, maybe he flew away." He murmured, his eyes closed.

" I'm so glad that Lily is getting better, how did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Shake her out of her fear?"

"That's what I did, along with some yelling."

"You shook her?"

"Yup, but it worked."

" Hey, prongs, any more of the grub left," Sirius said from above the couch.

The house elves gave him a bowl and he ate it, watching as his friends fell asleep.

Alice smiled, and then settled closer to the fire, letting the warmth wash over her. They all fell asleep, and Sirius did too, after he was done. Soon the rest of Lily's friends that had been looking for her joined them. Then Remus came in with peter by his side.

Lily's dreams started with a lone piano solo, and a sad song. She ran through the rain, and she started to dread the nightmare she new was coming, then, Lily looked at where she was, and she was amid the rubble of her house. Everything was like it had been, to the last detail, and she saw the burnt furniture and the charred sloth and the remnant of everything that was in her house. The smoky from something that was still hot curled around her, and she inhaled it, coughing from it. She was wearing a green dress that was burnt in some places and ripped. There was even I little bit of blood and she realized that the scar on her wrist wasn't a scar after all.

She could see a gravestone where he mother had been. She sat by it, watching as a couple of drops fell from the sky.

She was waiting for the tears to come, for the pain to capture her from the feeling of peace she lived when she was a wake a few minutes earlier, and then she heard a small mew. She saw a kitten, teetering out of the rubble. It came to her, and she gave it a little piece of the jerky she had in her pocket. It ate it up, and she pet it; it shivered, and then collapsed in her lap. She rubbed it, trying to warm it up, and soon it was mewing and licking her hands. She waited for the dream to change, for the kitten to die, for the clouds to open up and drench her, drowning her, or maybe for something to kill her, but then she noticed something, a little green plant, a sprout, just barley peeking above the soil.

She put the kitten in her lap as she cleared the area around the sprout, giving it room to grow. The sun came out, little by little, and the plant started to grow again. It grew faster and faster, until vines sprouted out of it and began winding around the beams of the burnt house. More sprouts grew, intertwining with those already there. Beautiful flowers sprouted off of the vines, and filled the smoky air with a sweet smell. The sprouts connected and twined around each other in the window spaces. The ash was absorbed into the soil, and soon a carpet of grass and vines grew, as well as some bushes, but all of it clearing away from the headstone. She looked down, and her dress was being repaired. The burn marks were fading. The wound on her wrist faded back into a scar.

Lily felt the warmth of the sun, and then stood up. The grass blades were as shiny as emeralds, and the raindrops sparkled in a world of new life. She heard birds singing, and she saw the little kitten running among the flowers. As if she was standing in one of those commercials that show a landscape blooming overtime, the air around her became cleaner, and flowers began to bloom. The kitten was completely white, and she had originally thought that it was covered in ash. She looked closer, and she could see that is had tinges of a very light pink, maybe orange, in it's fur. A butterfly fluttered among the blossoms, and for the first time, Lily felt at peace. Sinlight poured into the small clearing, making the flowers go hazy around her.

Her mother's gravestone was finally among hope. What a beautiful resting place it was for her parents

. Lily reached down, taking some of the clean earth in her hands, savoring the smell of fresh, good soil. She felt a few tears leak out of her eyes as the soil fell from in between the space in her hands. She smiled though her tears, and then straightened up.

Her hands were covered with the soil, and she watched as the final flowers bloomed around her. She took a final look at everything, and she smiled, and laughed, letting it spill from her lips like bubbles from a champagne bottle that has been shaken up. The sunlight seemed to get brighter and brighter, until she couldn't see. She reached down on impulse and picked the kitty up.

When she opened her eyes, she was looking at the fireplace, which had died down. She looked out the window, and saw the light pour in. it was dawn. She looked at James, he was next to her, sleeping so peacefully. She looked for the little black dog, but instead saw Sirius, curled in front of the fire, like a dog. Alice was next to her, still sleeping in her boyfriend's arms. Lily also noticed her friend, Star-song, on a couch that was next to the one she was on. She saw Remus, pale blonde hair glinting in the light, and Frank, brown haired, and strong, Alice's boyfriend. She noticed peter, small and skinny, but with a good heart, next to Remus, and she saw her other friend, Emily, straight black hair with blue highlights, leaning on Remus.

She saw her friends, those who she knew she would treat like family from now on, all sleeping, having come in after she had fallen asleep, maybe the dog went to wake them up, or maybe they just woke up and found them, but they were still with her, each presence telling her that they would support her, that they were here for her, that she could trust them. Lily stretched, and then rubbed her tear-filled eyes. Something was on her hands.

She smelled fresh soil, and indeed, her hands were covered with it. She didn't question where is came from, She just smiled, and then leaned back against James. She heard a mew, and looked down. There the kitty was, and it was curled up next to her heart, like her mother's spirit had sent this kitty to comfort her.

She smiled as James put his arm around her in his sleep, and she waved her wand at the window. The glass got darker and blocked the light. She waved her wand at the fire, and it sprang into life, a new long flew into it.

She then curled up, and fell asleep again, her skin glowing in the firelight and her lips clasped in a peaceful smile. The kitty purred for a while longer, and then went silent as it fell into a comforting sleep that it hadn't had since it was born, and that was when the death eaters had attacked.

Over the next few years, it would remind Lily of what she had dreamed, what she had gained. It would help her remember that hope grows in the most hopeless situations, and that there is always life in death.

please r&r flames are accepted. also, if you have a song you want me to try, as long as it's apropriet, i love a good challenge.


End file.
